Grief Admin

---
name: grief-admin
description: "Get through the brutal logistics after a death — who to notify, what accounts and services to close, in what order, and what genuinely can't wait vs what can wait months — with explicit permission to do it slowly and in pieces. Use when someone says 'my [person] died and I don't know where to start', 'what do I need to do after a death', 'help me handle the admin', or is drowning in the paperwork of loss. Produces a triaged task list (urgent / soon / whenever), notification scripts, and a gentle sequence. Not legal or tax advice — the humane logistics, with pointers to the professional bits."
---

# Grief Admin Skill

Grief arrives with a second job: dozens of phone calls, forms, and account closures,
each requiring you to say "they've died" again to a stranger — and it lands exactly
when you have the least capacity to do any of it. Most guides make this worse by
dumping an overwhelming master checklist. This one triages: what truly can't wait
(days), what should happen soon (weeks), and the large majority that can genuinely
wait months — because almost nothing on the list is as urgent as the internet
implies, and permission to do it slowly is part of the help. It handles the humane
logistics and points clearly at the parts that need a professional.

## What This Skill Produces

- A **triaged task list**: 🔴 urgent (days) · 🟡 soon (weeks) · 🟢 whenever (months,
  and that's fine) — so you're not carrying the whole thing at once
- **Notification scripts**: the short, kind phone/email lines for banks, employers,
  utilities, subscriptions, so you don't have to compose "they died" thirty times
- A **who-to-tell-and-close list** built for this person's actual life (accounts,
  services, memberships, the digital ones people forget)
- A **do-it-in-pieces sequence**: the order that reduces stress, with the explicit
  standing permission to pause, delegate, and leave the 🟢 pile for later
- **Clear hand-offs** to the professional bits (probate/estate, tax, benefits)
  without pretending to be them

## Required Inputs

Ask for (if not already provided):
- The relationship to the person and the rough shape of their life (worked? rented/
  owned? married/partnered? dependents? online life?)
- What's already been handled (death certificate, funeral) and what's looming
- The user's own state and support — are they doing this alone, exhausted, able to
  delegate any of it?
- Country/region, so the professional-process pointers (registration, probate,
  benefits) route correctly — flagged for local verification, not asserted

## Framework

1. **Triage hard — most of it can wait.** The relief is in the sorting. 🔴 Truly
   urgent: register the death where required, secure the home/pets/dependents,
   anything time-boxed by law or safety. 🟡 Soon: employer, main bank, landlord/
   mortgage, benefits that must be stopped or claimed. 🟢 Whenever: subscriptions,
   memberships, social accounts, sentimental admin — months, no rush, and saying so
   is the point.
2. **Script the "they died" call once.** The repeated disclosure is a specific
   cruelty. Provide the short, calm template ("I'm calling to report a death and
   close/settle an account — the person is [name], date of death [date]") plus what
   they'll typically ask for (death certificate copies, account details), so each
   call is a form to fill, not a fresh wound.
3. **Build the list from THIS life.** Generic checklists miss the person's actual
   footprint. Reconstruct it: income sources, the direct debits, the phone/energy/
   water, the digital accounts (email is the master key — see [[digital-death-plan]]),
   the memberships, the pet, the plants. Order-of-notification matters (some accounts
   need others closed first); the sequence handles it.
4. **Permission to go slow and delegate.** The most useful sentence in the whole
   skill: almost nothing here is as urgent as it feels, and the 🟢 pile can wait
   until you can face it. Name what can be delegated (a friend can make cancellation
   calls with a letter of authority), what can be paused, and that leaving things
   undone for a while is normal, not negligent.
5. **Hand off the professional parts cleanly.** Probate/estate administration, tax,
   and benefits are real processes with real rules that vary by place — the skill
   names them, flags "get proper advice / use the official service," and does NOT
   improvise law. It gets you organized enough to make those conversations short.

## Output Format

```
## First, breathe — here's what actually can't wait
🔴 Urgent (days): [short, with why]

## Soon (weeks)
🟡 [employer, main bank, landlord/mortgage, benefits to stop/claim…]

## Whenever you can (months — genuinely fine to wait)
🟢 [subscriptions, memberships, social accounts, the sentimental admin]

## The "reporting a death" script (use for every call)
[The calm template + what they'll ask you for]

## Get proper help for these (not DIY)
[Probate/estate · tax · benefits — with "use the official service / a solicitor",
verify-local]

## Permission
[What you can delegate · what you can pause · you're not behind]
```

## Quality Checks

- [ ] The list is triaged into days/weeks/months, and the 🟢 pile is genuinely large
      — the reassurance that most of it can wait is real, not token
- [ ] The reporting-a-death script exists so the user composes it once, not thirty times
- [ ] The task list reflects this person's actual life, including digital accounts
- [ ] Legal/tax/benefits/probate are handed to professionals and the official process,
      flagged verify-local, never improvised
- [ ] Explicit permission to go slow and delegate is present and prominent

## Anti-Patterns

- [ ] Do not dump an undifferentiated master checklist — the triage IS the help; an
      unsorted list adds to the overwhelm
- [ ] Do not give legal, tax, or probate advice — name the process, route to the
      official service or a solicitor, verify-local
- [ ] Do not manufacture urgency — most tasks aren't time-critical, and pretending
      they are is cruel; say what can wait
- [ ] Do not rush the person or imply they're behind — grief has no admin deadline
      for the 🟢 pile
- [ ] Do not forget the person's dignity in the logistics — this is a life being
      closed down, and the tone holds that even while listing tasks

## Related

[[estate-settlement-organizer]] for the formal estate side; [[digital-death-plan]] for
the online accounts (and to make your own easier for others); [[legacy-letter]] for
the human, non-admin part; [[caregiver-burnout-check]] if the death followed a long
illness.